Sad and Know it

I am sad and I know it. I am in a funk and can't get out. I don't understand the things around me, wish I could get a better view of me in the mirror. The person I see, the person I try to be, must not be the person others see. What do I do. Grin and bear it. Keep the rage inside. Lashing out won't help. Pointing out the deficiencies in others doesn't improve my standing. So I keep plugging along. Hoping that the person I see in the mirror gets seen by others. I try to improve, I try to help, I just don't know.

I won't show the pain I feel. I don't have an outlet to share. I can't have what I want, it still doesn't diminish my desire for it. I wish I didn't know what I knew. I wish I could exist in the fairy tale I try to spin. But when the silence speaks, I hear my despair.

I know who I am. I know what I want. I just want to be able to share it with someone who will also share with me. I don't want to have to type these words so they exist in the universe for a random person to encounter. I want something I can't seem to get.

I will keep trying. I have no other option. In the meantime, just know the person you see, is not the person in the mirror.